9/11

Today is a big day for me. Like so many other unlucky people, I get to remember a dear friend of mine who was murdered on this day. I wish I had some way to cope, somebody to talk to. However, I find that most people don't want to talk about the situation, simply switch topics, or just completely don't care. I wish it were that easy for me- I wish it were that easy for the families and friends who, like me, lost somebody. It's easy to not care when you don't know anybody personally; that is human nature-something that is apart of us all. The one thing I've learned from 9/11 is that it is within our nature to murder, destroy, and to cause as much harm as possible regardless of how it's done. I think today I'm going to relax, go to a special Mass, and pray that Mary will pray for us. I know I was Atheist, but I'm leaning heavily into the Catholic Religion now. I find that it has a sense of comfort and tranquility that I couldn't find elsewhere. In the end, what harm is it to believe in a God even if the Bible is wrong? After all, the Bible was written by man in the way in which they understood the things of their times.

Endurance: There is always an escape

As I have stated on my Youtube channel (will give upon request) I grew up with a very abusive father. Even though I am now an adult, his abuse seems to be equally as relentless as it was when I was a child. Things such as "When your mother was pregnant with you, some lady (Forgot the name) was right." This is an inside story to how a lady tried to get my mother to abort me. As an adult, I'm now able to fight back. Rather it is physically or emotionally as he has done, I find that I now detest the very ground this man walks on. Is it wrong for me to hate my own father? For me to look forward to his death? Part of me says yes, but the other part says he has it coming to him. By nature I am a very passive person; I hate fighting but I find this man brings out the darkest and worst parts of who I am. Part of me just hopes he leaves and never comes back; part of me hopes he'll soon die. How did I endure this for so long? Fact is, I didn't. I simply buried it deep down. As a result, I suffer from depression, I suffer from a lot of emotional issues and anger issues because of that mans' abuse. I am going to college soon to get a Phd in Psychology because I want to help people like me before they become what I am... a man who hates his own father. Thank you all for reading this, I look forward to your comments and replies :).