The hardest lessons

This week I have learned some rather harsh lessons that I wish I didn't have to learn. I have learned to be a stronger person, I have learned to fight my own inner demons, and sadly enough, I have learned to say goodbye. In my walk in life I have found that I don't tend to keep friends for very long. For whatever reason, I am almost destined to walk alone. The hardest thing about this is it is a lonely path. I want to brief you a bit on what I am talking about. Though the blogs no longer exist, I had hit an all time low this week. I had to say goodbye to somebody I considered a very close friend. Though I had never intended on this happening, sadly it did. She had found out that I liked her and naturally I talked about it in a blog. For comfort reasons, I won't go to deep into that. The overall situation wasn't handled very well on either part. My part being to open and well..... I'll leave it at that as I don't typically point fingers. I went through what could easily be called the worst week of my life. Friday night I hit an all time low and attempted suicide... I know, it takes a lot of depression to hit that level. However, God sent somebody to stop me and I am glad he did. I am now talking to a psychologist who is helping me.

However, this leaves some questions within my mind. Is telling somebody you like them considered that bad of a crime? Does it deem you a horrible person to basically say "I think you have a wonderful personality and would like to get to know you?" I think society and those in it read to much into the little things. I am, once again, alone. Though I have lost a friend by no action of my own, I have gained a few more. Could this be the balance within our lives? I think God works in some of the strangest ways. Sometimes we don't understand why he does what he does or why he places us where he places us, however, I rest assured knowing that whatever is meant to be will be. For better or for worst, at least I gained new friends from this horrible experience.

It is also in our human nature to do harm. Though many can dispute this you must admit that we are born into sin and sinful bodies. Though I never intended on any of this to happen, in the end it still happened. The task at hand is easy and yet so hard. The only thing I can do is simply let go and move on. I pray that she'll come around and realize that I am not, nor ever have been a horrible person.. However, as I stated, we have that human nature and it is a pain in the butt to overcome.

~PAX~