Endurance: There is always an escape

As I have stated on my Youtube channel (will give upon request) I grew up with a very abusive father. Even though I am now an adult, his abuse seems to be equally as relentless as it was when I was a child. Things such as "When your mother was pregnant with you, some lady (Forgot the name) was right." This is an inside story to how a lady tried to get my mother to abort me. As an adult, I'm now able to fight back. Rather it is physically or emotionally as he has done, I find that I now detest the very ground this man walks on. Is it wrong for me to hate my own father? For me to look forward to his death? Part of me says yes, but the other part says he has it coming to him. By nature I am a very passive person; I hate fighting but I find this man brings out the darkest and worst parts of who I am. Part of me just hopes he leaves and never comes back; part of me hopes he'll soon die. How did I endure this for so long? Fact is, I didn't. I simply buried it deep down. As a result, I suffer from depression, I suffer from a lot of emotional issues and anger issues because of that mans' abuse. I am going to college soon to get a Phd in Psychology because I want to help people like me before they become what I am... a man who hates his own father. Thank you all for reading this, I look forward to your comments and replies :).